“Who said it was going to be easy.”
Setting your boundaries with your adult child
A parent phoned me. They had concerns about their adult child. I think they were hoping they could pass their worries and the problem on.
I found myself saying, “Unfortunately the only person you can change is yourself. Well, that is fortunate in its own way.”
They spoke about what was happening and I found myself saying, “ You have to decide what is right and then keep to it.”
There was as there usually is a lot of fear that if they didn’t give what was being demanded all sorts of negative things will happen. Well if you live with that fear you will continue to do what you have been doing. I kept putting it back to them. If your adult child will not change then you have to change in how you deal with them.
I sensed there was fear about their own change. They feared ‘could they’.
I was reminded that if we do not set boundaries in the parent-child relationship we can be dealing with the consequences right throughout our lives. The kid that is never told ‘no’ become the adult who demands. Until what was required in childhood happens, even if they are now 60, they will continue to demand. The challenge is back to the parent.
Life is not such that we removed from our own advice. Later I found myself hearing my own words back as I found myself having to relay my own boundaries about what can be expected. It wasn’t easy for the parent I spoke to or me but as the voice out there often says, “Who said it was going to be easy.”
best day,
g
