What is your sense of God? What is your sense of self?
Thoughts from Christian Life Community (CLC) England & Wales National Assembly via zoom
It has probably been 10 years since I have been to a Christian Life Community (CLC) National Assembly. The last one was in Park Place, Hampshire. It is peculiar how our lives ebb and flow at one time we are right at the core of things and at others we are at a distant. Our local CLC has remained constant. I have been a member for 17 years this incoming week. There are three of us that have remained in that time and we have seen 6 or more go and around the same join. We are currently a community of 5.
The option of joining the National Assembly by zoom was such an obvious yes. We hovered around 70 although two were sharing on some screens. Mark Trombley was fantastic as host. Zoom reminds me of a combination of Radio and TV and Mark guided us smoothly through the two hours.
After some opening remarks from our President Jackie Gill, we when straight to a presentation by Father (Fr) David Smolira , Society of Jesus (SJ) on communal discernment.
There was much in David’s material though I attempt to hear a primary word when listening to someone speak. Perhaps that is discernment at work. The primary word was when David was speaking about being able to develop the skill of discernment and he mentioned that we need to ensure we don’t have,
- A false sense of self
nor
2. A false sense of God
I asked the question, “Where did he think we would pick up a false sense of God and indeed a false sense of self?”
In his answer, he referred to how our influences of God and self are shaped by those around us particularly when we are children.
While I would like to think that I have a true sense of God and a true sense of self these words among the many grabbed my attention.
You as I may wonder why? Well as I hold the words and reflect on them I think it is something about checking, “ What is my sense of God?” and “What is my sense of self?” Even if we think we have a good sense of both it is worth asking the questions.
From I can remember my sense of God has always been as Father. I am not sure where I got it but he was always loving. I have placed God in masculine terms but of course, it is not so much the type but the sense that is important. For example, I have always struggled with the notion of God as King and my sense of God comes better through my understanding of him as a father but that is because ‘father’ works for me. If a type of God does not work for you I would abandon it and look for one that does.
David mentioned having a foundation of God’s love. This came to me 12 years ago in the deepest way I have yet experienced and was towards the end of, ‘A Retreat in Daily Life’. It is from this experience that I know God is love. I knew it before but not to the depth that I experienced one day in May 1998. I know that God is beyond my image of him as father but I still need as a human to relate to him in a human form. I guess that was why he sent Jesus. My experience did not abandon my image of God as father though it did expand it so far that I can’t see the end of it.
David’s advice is a reminder to us to ensure we know that God loves us. We do carry false images of God with us. I can see them arise in me as I write. I believe God wants to turn from me when I behave in a way that is far from my best but rather he runs to me in these moments and loves me more.
The false sense of self may be more difficult. It is my experience that most find this harder to find than God. David gave the example of someone wanting to always say the right thing to always be liked yet by being so they were suppressing their true selves.
He recommended Richard Rohr’s book for those who wished to looked further ‘Immortal Diamond’.
Best day,
g
