Trust writing to reveal the heart…..
I had kept this morning free in the event that I was required and I was. Ciara had her Grade 7 ballet exam. I was told that it was sorted and I would not be required.
I am not great when plans such as this change and begin to formulate sentences in my head about someone not being organised. I am usually halted as somehow it is reversed and I am the one not organised!
I am further annoyed when I learn that the hair grips, the hair pins, the hair net that the ballet teacher requires have not been purchased. Have you ever faced a ballet teacher? One of the few people I still refer to with their title followed by their surname.
Knowing that I get anxious if things are left to the last minute I try to prepare to avoid the anxiety. Well as you know you can’t avoid it when others neither know the emotional pain of anxiety nor get bothered about last minute dashes to shops.
This could have been done at the weekend, why wasn’t it. I felt quite bothered but I know I hear you say back, “G. that is life.”
I share because it is life and I write to try to understand it particularly when it leads to negatives whether in emotions, thoughts and or behaviour.
Some of what I was writing yesterday was fuelled by the tension so writing has and is a powerful means to transfer the energy into something constructive.
We get what we need and get to the venue albeit 10 minutes late. Once I know Ciara is sorted I am relieved and I go for a walk.
A friend told me years ago, “Just go with the uninvited interruptions of life.” Well if you anything like me you can hear this, you can agree with it but our internal dog doesn’t want to go for a walk. You get the picture, dog on a lead with owner pulling it and dog pulling his head the other way.
I feel like a preacher friend who said every sermon he writes is to answer his own questions first hoping his issues resonate with the congregation. So that is the reason I read a passage of scripture daily, a lesson from A Course In Miracles and other material. Gabby Bernstein would probably call me a spiritual junkie.
For as long as I don’t think I am getting it right and feeling it right I will remain a seeker. A seeker of what? A seeker of the secret of getting it right. Well, there probably is no secret just practice, practice, practice.
These irritations, annoying people are all like the red marker pen of that grammarian who wrote to me the other day. I thought I handled her criticism well, she was constructive though I did think she could have used the personal notes. My suppressed anger is revealed. I tried to pretend to myself but there it is, the anger, as I write about irritations.
But then my better side reminds me of the so many encouragements I receive. What you are reading here (and you may have to put in your own commas because I forgot mine) is that perpetual tension that goes on inside.
You see I intended to write about how what we dream of in childhood often is what we become in adulthood. The ballet exam worked well and the photo I found goes with it but writing is a spiritual practice and if we allow it to flow from us it will reveal our hearts. So here it is revealing my irritations, my struggles with accommodating others and I am thankful for it. It is much easier than a person telling me as it does it in such a creative and kind way.
I am laughing now laughing at how seemingly irrelevant things stress me out. I hope you are laughing with me.
See you tomorrow.
g.
