Those feelings and thoughts
It has been hot here this last few days. I thought it was me but then I checked the records for this last month. I have woke at around 3 00 am the past few mornings ready to get up but it is dark outside. When I did get up usually anywhere between 5 and 6 am it takes me 2 hours to come fully alive.
On waking I usually think Tee is here then I remember she stayed out. Backwards and forwards the mind roams thinking about next week, last week, next year, last year, 10 years ahead, 10 years ago. It is an exercise to pull it together to now.
Emotions are like the twin of Thoughts not identical actually very different. They don’t have a sense of time they just feel. It is hard to know who influences who? Emotions definitely get influenced by Thoughts but I am not so aware of Thoughts being influenced by Emotions. Yes, I am I have just remembered. If Emotions feel strongly they take over Thoughts. How Emotions are feeling is now also how Thoughts are thinking.
Then there is me the father of both. Who knows who is the mother I suspect it is a fusion of me with all those external interactions particularly the ones that catch me for good or ill.
It is for me to decide whether I let them be playful or to bring them into line. Like a parent sometimes I am more able for them than others. Some mornings I just sit and wait until they tire themselves and I tidy up after them.
Overall I feel relaxed almost too relaxed causing me to wonder how I will get myself to the alertness I usually require. History tells me I will. This time of ‘staycation’ has been good for my right leg which was experiencing pain, the pain has gone.
The summer school which runs from 2 15 pm to around 8 pm has my mind active and my emotions engaged. Surely this could not be tiring me it is too enjoyable? It is also a little weird. Here am I living with these guys from various countries of the world and with a simple click on ‘Leave meeting’ the world is gone. Was it a dream? What was it? Whatever it is my mind is deceived. Where was I? Jerusalem? Texas? Wiltshire? Philipines? Canada? Switzerland? And they were here and I was there! Remind me where is here?
I have absorbed so much that my body walks to the nearby lake. It brings me into another world as it is surrounded by houses but once you step behind the trees another world is present. A world where swans and ducks are the people and the lake the highways. Even the urban cats come here and together we watch this world of no speech, no time.