Think hard and find that unassuming character who changed how you see the world!

Isn’t it strange how we often quote famous figures when asked who inspires us most? Yet I have this hunch that if we thought a while longer we would find someone who crossed our path, a family member, a friend who inspires us most.

Ashley, featured in the photo, was one person who without knowing it brought about change in my life. You see the greatest change in us can perhaps come from the most unassuming character.

Ashley was unassuming. I first met her as a social work student on placement. That was 21 years ago and in 1996 Ashley was male. She was beset with health difficulties then which caused her to disguise a skin disorder. She was on the margins of the office and it wasn’t until I was well established in the placement that I had a conversation with her. She was interested in spirituality indeed she had not so long ago been an evangelical Christian though had moved towards a universalist view of faith.

I have found that whatever faith a person may be when they find another person of faith there can be a connection. There was a connection between Ashley and I and somehow we fell into a pattern of meeting for lunch on Tuesdays.

Week after week we met for lunch on a Tuesday. In that time faith and spirituality would be discussed.

In 2000 as everyone got excited and wondered what to do to celebrate the millennium that Ashley confided in me that she was transgender. At that stage, she was still living publicly as a man though at times and outside of work dressed as a female. Someone had told me that she had been spotted dressed as a woman in a nearby town though I held the information and waited. On hearing it from Ashley I was surprised though not totally.

Over the next 15 years, we continued to meet for lunch though in recent years it was more quarterly than weekly as she had retired from employment. It was in those initial years as she transitioned that I was closest to her story. At the time and now I felt and feel privileged.

Week by week and sometimes day by day as she was changing a change was occurring in me. We can stand at a distance and make pronouncements on people about whatever aspect of their life though when we walk with them we walk with a brother or sister.

Ashley’s journey was personal as is each of our lives seeking to become the people who we are.

She taught me without knowing it how to respect the decisions people make about their journeys and not to judge until we have walked in the other’s shoes. Ashley allowed me to accompany her on her journey and as her life changed so did mine.

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