The positive past is always alive to the present
I awoke from my power nap in the car this morning and went to reach for my inspirational reading material when I made the mistake of reaching for my phone. “Dad pick up!” “I forgot to get the cheque from you.”
I knew it that cheque would be forgotten despite my earlier attempts to ensure it would n’t. They say Highly Sensitive People (HSP) try and prevent being overwhelmed by planning. I try and plan though it requires the cooperation of others to make it work. When it doesn’t work despite my best laid plans and I then have to intervene the overwhelming effect that you tried to prevent happens.
It feels more intense as you feel it could have been avoided and now you are having to deal with someone else’s error. I have a quick conversation with Cee which is really my emotions attempting to use language. I say I will think about it and end the call.
I then sit and vent. Then another part of me says, “ G if you just turn around and do it you will save yourself time sitting here stewing on it.”
I hate going back. I hate having to go back when something is forgotten. My saint for hating going back is Lot’s wife.
You may know the story told in the book of Genesis. Lot is told to leave the city with his family. He is given one command, “Don’t look back as you flee!” his wife doesn’t listen and looks back and in that moment she becomes a pillar of salt.
In one of my mad moment in senior school, I was about 15, I decided I would spend time reading at lunchtime in the school library. This was so unlike the group I was in though I was strong enough to do what I considered ‘mad’ things. I was reading Erich von Däniken Chariots of the Gods. I recall he believed Lot’s wife was killed by radiation from an attack by spaceships on the city they were fleeing.
I am so forward focussed that ‘going back’ can seem like a reverse of progression. Yet often if you lose something whether it is physical or otherwise you have to return to the place you last recall having it.
Perhaps the places we never want to return are exactly the places we should go to exercise ourselves of the fear and redeem the moment, the place and ourselves.
The past is like life there are good bits and not so good bits perhaps it is discerning when it is healthy to look back and when it is not.
In a sense, the positive past is always with us as it has an eternal quality. Just tonight I heard of the passing of a woman who I referred to as a spiritual grandmother. I can recall many past memories though they are energised by the power of love she gave to me that remains alive within me. I wrote about her just over 2 months ago.
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