The day unfolds
Monday 28th April 2025
07:59 hrs
I was anxious yesterday, Sunday, about returning to the tasks of Monday. I came home and I sat on the chair just resting, and, as often happens, I fell asleep.
I awoke, and it had gotten dark. I felt peace.
Towards 6 am this morning, my dreams were filled with tasks; I awoke anxious.
I write about it to capture how difficult it can feel at this time. I know it improves as the day passes, but oh my, first thing in the morning, it can feel like I am awakening in a war zone.
They talk about adverse early life experiences staying with you for a long time, as if to say that when you wake, years later, your body is still alert to potential dangers.
Let’s see how the day turns out.
13:49
Well, I am still here, and the high anxiety of early morning has subsided.
I am reminded of what Stephen Rea, the Belfast actor, said in a recent BBC documentary, which was something about anticipating the performance being worse than the actual performance.
I experience this regularly, whereby the anxiety is more severe than the actual event. It is, in part, reminding myself of this, which gets me to where I need to be.
17:52
I have survived. I got to that place that has become a ritual where I feel I can stop and relax into the day.
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