Step 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Gordie Jackson
3 min readJan 14, 2018

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Gaudi’s church, Park Guell Barcelona gjphotosAug2014

I was at the Co-Op and as I was waiting to be served I listened in on the conversation with the woman in front. I had noticed she was a little unsteady on her feet. I then noticed she was struggling to put a bottle of wine into her bag. I then heard her ask the cashier had he been here since 2 30 pm, it was now 8 30 pm. He wasn’t for talking but she was. She then mentioned she had been in four times today. I thought, “That has been a bottle each time.” I couldn’t help myself watch her as she walked homeward with her dog who had been waiting outside.

Maybe pondering these steps of Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) has made me more sensitive to the hidden drinking that is right amongst us.

‘Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.’

It sounds like confession though I am not a Roman Catholic so I haven’t experienced it. I did once on a random trip to Carlow ring the bell at a Capuchin monastery. The Father came expecting to give me confession. I said, “O no I am not a Catholic I thought I might ask you some questions about your faith.” He happily obliged.

Some seventeen years ago when I underwent a major internal crisis of confidence I did find myself at the door of one of the pastors of the church I was then a member. He recognised that I needed ongoing support and we meet weekly for a period of time. That period was perhaps, ‘My dark night of the soul’. I felt at my lowest the tide had gone out and the debris of my life was exposed. Incidents going as far back to pre-teen became raw and I felt a deep sense of guilt and remorse. I found myself speaking out incidents to him in which I felt shame. I didn’t know how he would respond but acting as something of a mediator of love he just hugged and held me. I felt like a small boy in his father’s arms.

Some years later I spent some time with a counsellor. I felt I needed to get a perspective on my shortcomings pointed out by others. The counsellor was great though he didn’t hug.

A friend in who I once confided my shortcomings used the biblical phrase, “It is the little foxes that spoil the vine.” That phrase remains with me as a reminder that often it is seemingly small things that hold us back and cause us the greatest angst.

I think when we clear out the skeletons that rattle every so often in the wardrobes of our minds we become less judgemental of others and more understanding of the common failings of our humanness.

There is of course that great Biblical phrase, “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”

When we understand and acknowledge our own shortcomings perhaps we walk more humbly upon the earth.

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Gordie Jackson

Speaks with a Northern Irish accent, lives in Hertfordshire, England.