Reflecting on significance
1. 1980 — giving my heart to Jesus (aged 9) in the Salvation Army Sunday school
The other day I wrote about my experience of the Brecon Beacons Retreat.
The extract below has remained with me as I pondered what I wrote,
On Sunday morning we journaled with a few prompts. The first was ‘A significant moment in your life that shapes who you are today.’
I listed what came to mind
1. 1980— giving my heart to Jesus (aged 9) in the Salvation Army Sunday school
2. 1982 — being baptised in the Holy Spirit in a disused Mission Hall
3. 1987 — the day I took my flag down
4. 1988 — returning to Christ
5. 1988 — having a dream in Birmingham in which the words ‘Christ Unites Ireland’ appeared
6. 2000 becoming aware that my daughter was on her way
7. 2008 an experience of being united with all things
I noted that each of the seven moments was emotional. I was surprised that such things as ‘Going to University’, ‘Buying my first new car’, and ‘Getting a job’ were not listed. It told me that what probably matters most to me are the emotional events that shaped my life right to the present time.
I then wondered what someone reading would make of
1980 — giving my heart to Jesus (aged 9) in the Salvation Army Sunday school
what it was about this event to which I gave such significance.
It is something about making my first major decision as a child. I, like everyone, was born into a family in which I was dependent. As I grew, I grew the norms of my family. I spoke English with a Northern Irish accent, I attended Protestant Church services because I was a Protestant, and I took on a British Unionist identity. The schools I attended were chosen for me indeed there was a small part of my life in which I could decide what I wanted to do. I wanted to play in the fields near the river with my dog, I wanted to play street games with the other kids, I wanted to watch a Band parade in the town centre, I wanted to watch films, I wanted to swim, I wanted to borrow books from the library, I wanted to buy sweets from Gillilands, I wanted to go on holiday with the Boys’ Brigade and I wanted to sing. Most of those wants I did but deciding to give my heart to Jesus, was different.
The term ‘giving my heart to Jesus’ was used in my Sunday Schools and helped children like me understand a commitment to be a follower of Jesus. Your heart represented your life and your love hence by giving ‘your heart’ to Jesus you were submitting to him as Master.
That decision meant I understood there was a right and wrong that I had acted wrongly and that he had come to pay for my wrongs so that I might live forever.
A few sentences hold within a lot of beliefs. So it would be fair to assume by the age of 9 I understood Jesus as a person, someone who had lived and died but came back from the dead and therefore is alive again. That he was the son of God sent by God to save us from death. That somehow also made him a human form of God in that I could relate to God through him. I mean how is a child going to understand the vastness of God without having a human who represents God?
So for me as a child the person of Jesus worked in understanding God. And God was ‘Our Father who art in heaven’ and the reference to God being a father also worked for me as a child, I understood it. I understood it so much that I adopted God as my father. Somehow I felt loved by God and I mean without conditions. What I struggled with was intimately connecting with God so when I understood that Jesus could open the door to that experience I was ready to give my heart in exchange.
That decision to give my heart to Jesus was the beginning of something that I have spent my life working out.
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PS I asked how is a child to understand God without human form in the same way how is a child to understand love without a human form. For me, the two converged in one.
