People will remember you by how you made them feel
What matters most?
When I look over my life and ask myself the question of what matters most the answer that resounds back is “to be and feel loved”
Maya Angelou said,
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
As a very young child, I felt close to dogs and God. You will not fail to notice that ‘dog’ is God backwards. Dogs were present in my home and the home of one set of grandparents. They were also around the street where I lived. These were the days when dogs could wander the streets freely and as such you got to know them.
Dogs, on the whole, always gave me a good welcome. Now, the God bit. Now, this is something I can’t explain; I can only tell you how it was. Somehow, in my community, I understood God from an early age. Now, it was Northern Ireland, and I was a Protestant, which meant God was part of the reality. So, I can never remember being introduced to the notion of God.
But this God loved me. I said I would not be able to explain other than I knew that God loved me. I was undoubtedly influenced by phrases such as ‘God is love’ and choruses that we sang in Sunday School, such as ‘Jesus Loves me, this I know for the Bible tells me so.’
Well, I heard the songs before I had read the Bible. My mother introduced me to the Lord’s Prayer at a young age, in the days when you knelt at your bed and pressed your hands together.
All this connected me to an unseen force or concept, and that connection made me feel loved. Jesus, of course, was the face of this God, although I was aware that there was a Father behind the Son.
Perhaps at seven or eight, I was wandering around a graveyard. We regularly visited the graves of deceased relatives. In my wandering, I was taken by a cross. I can’t remember whether Jesus was on it but I became aware that he died on the cross for me. I felt sad. I felt sad that someone would have to die for me. I am not sure I understood that it was because of my sins. I am not sure I was aware of my sins apart from possible lying, it seems to be something we learn quickly.
Now I think the words Heaven and Hell had also entered my vocabulary and I understood Heaven to be a perfect place and Hell to be a place I wouldn’t want to go. I don’t think the words mattered much my focus was on being loved by God.
I should say that one of the greatest disabilities is having love but being unable to express it. I have learned to recognise love even if the individual cannot express it.
Back to those I felt love from as a child. It was customary in those days for people to stop when they recognized each other and chatted. My mother and indeed my father would regularly stop with people as we made our way from home to town. This day we stopped with Mrs Black and in the course of the conversation Mrs Black looked at me and asked if I would like to come to her home one day for tea. I can’t remember what I said but one day I went to Mrs Black’s home, knocked on her door and she welcomed me in. She made me some sandwiches and a drink after which I watched some cartoons. I stayed maybe for an hour or so and then returned home. Yet that simple act of invitation and that hour or so has stayed with me all my life. Why? Because of how she acted towards this little boy she made him feel wanted and loved.
I also remember getting to know some brothers at the Boys’ Brigade (BB) again when I was under 10. I decided to move to their Sunday school. Their mother was a Sunday school teacher. Without me knowing then, she made room for me in their family. It wasn’t until later in life that I saw this and knew how it had benefitted me as it made me feel cared for and loved.
Sunday schools were important places for me as a kid. I also recall two other Sunday School teachers one at the Salvation Army and the other at the Methodists who both took an interest in me and again in later life I realised the benefit of it.
Unfortunately at the age of 12 or 13, a disagreement occurred in the church I was involved which led to me drifting. Without having that place of love I drifted into another community. That community felt under attack and exercised itself by fighting back. I felt hate quite strongly towards those we believed threatened us.
Yet even then, I found love and acceptance in a dispute with one ‘from the other side’. I chased this individual down a street, and he ran into a house. For some reason, I knocked on the door. I can’t remember what I would say, but his mother answered and invited me in for a cup of tea. By a curious sequence of events, that family meant a lot to me over six years. They provided me with a place in which I could relax.
By now, I was in Senior High school, struggling with concentration and a sense of direction. Consequently, I got to know the headteacher, and again, it wasn’t until years later that I saw the respect and care he showed in how he interacted with me.
The Summer of 1987 was a critical year for me. I had gone as far as I could in the politics of the street and at the invitation of another I set sail for the Isle of Man. I had little money and nowhere to live. I went door-knocking looking for a place to stay. I came across a group of friends from Carlow, Republic of Ireland. I would have formerly perceived this group as a threat (they were from the other side) yet here they were prepared to help me and they did. I stayed with them most of that summer and their acceptance further changed me.
I returned to Northern Ireland that September just getting enough O’Levels to get me onto a business course. My outlook changed and I stood in a neutral place. And then came along a girl (no we never became romantically connected) who asked me to a Christian Youth Rally. That event brought me the prodigal back to the father and changed the direction of my life. She remained in my life for some years and introduced me to a Christian woman who supported me in the ‘Christ Unites Ireland’ vision That brought several people into my life who by their presence affirmed me and made me feel loved.
On a visit to Birmingham in 1988 I briefly met an Irish woman and through correspondence we became friends. She was like a mother to me and she remained so until her death last year.
At university, I met several people who have remained in my life like brothers. In my working life, I can think of one who was there when the chips were down.
It was also at University that I met my former wife. We separated after 23 years together, which showed me that love can mean sometimes it is better to be apart than together. That said, I knew her love and that of her family, particularly her mother.
More recently some individuals come to mind from whom I sense their love.
I am part of a small community and have been for 21 years. Different people have come and gone, and a few of us have remained throughout. From this community, I feel love.
Indeed, as I look back over my life, I can see a dear sister who I have known since my first day at school and who has been a constant in my life.
I can also see sisters and brothers along the way who are no longer with us. Some people were there only for a season but in their time they made me feel that divine quality ‘love’.
The love invested in me by others has given me a better life. I have drawn on particularly as a father to my daughter and partner to the one who stands alongside me.
Conclusion
- I want you to think of those people who got you to where you are and be grateful for them.
2. How they made you feel is something you can always draw on particularly when you need it.
3. Also, take an interest in others, one-off acts can mean a lot to a person, and consistent acts can be life-changing
4. Whatever we achieve if we do not love it is nothing.
To quote what the good book says,
I Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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