Number 52
“Jesus I want to take you to my first home. I am not sure why but I do.”
“Remember Gordon that you only observe there are no feelings, you don’t judge you just understand. I am saying this as you may be concerned about the feelings that may be evoked.”
“Ok, I appreciate that.”
I am wondering if there is an ability to the feel in between visits as I feeling some apprehension.
We arrive and with our arrival comes a neutrality. It is not as before there is no clear scene if anything there is an emptiness, a vacancy. There is a solitary baby grow on the clothesline there is a dog kennel but no dog.
Now we are inside my old room. The room in which I lay in bed and thought the drain pipe was a witch watching me. The cupboard that I would climb into believing that somehow in the darkness I would disappear and appear in another world. Now it is happening in reverse I am going from the place I inhabit to here.
Two police officers walk into my room and tip my toys out the box. And then it is morning and they are gone and there is a new toy beside my old bed, a present. As if one act cancels out the other. There is no one in the bed, I am expecting to see myself but it is empty.
I can hear crying, I can hear laughter the room is as a child’s toy that if you press one button you get one sound and press another and there is a contrast. I hear the voice of a boy praying wanting his lost dog returned and then I hear him bargaining with God, “ If you, I will” and then it is the prayer of sorry, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
In that moment as the sentence ends I am gone hurled from the room into the sky with Jesus closely behind.
“ I don’t get that, what happened there?”
“It is the power of forgiveness to forgive others and to forgive yourself is explosive it is as if the wrong, the wronged is forever gone, a spiritual dark hole, something was once there though now is no more.”
I am just looking at him as he is speaking hoping his face will explain more than his words.
g.