There is ‘a tiredness’ over me. Is it tiredness or is it irritability or is it the result of unhealthy stress? I am asking myself.
The car in front and behind me parked so close that my sensors were bleeping. At such a moment, I am not the only one who asks, “Why do people park so close?” Maybe I should say, “Well at least they left me a little room to get out!”
And then the driver two in front decided just as the lights go ‘Green’ to stop and let some lads cross. I am thinking, “ Why do that and hold the rest of us up?” Maybe I should think, “Aren’t they being generous letting those lads cross on a green light?”
And then while waiting at another set of lights a guy decides to drive out of the space adjacent to me causing me to think he was going to collide. My hand is on the horn. It looks like he saw more room than I did. That tells me I am on edge. It is taking little to annoy me.
I was annoyed this morning when someone decided to invite a speaker without telling anyone else. An announcement that takes no more than 5 minutes could go on. I interrupt as I know there is another meeting in 20 minutes and tea is ready to be served in the other room.
And then someone decides to tell me in a tea queue that a piece I wrote some time ago was proving difficult for them to proofread. “Omit it then,” I say.
I am reminded as I write that the bookshop was closing when I arrived and it was ‘a runner in a bear costume’ that had stopped them from closing the door. Thankfully I was collecting a pre-ordered book so they obliged. And the cappuccino in the bar was good.
Yet as I drive home I hear a voice telling me I need to rest for whatever reason. As I sit here my thoughts are connecting to Friday. And then I remember that evening I tried to capture how I felt,
“I was up at 5 30 am this morning.
It wasn’t that I wanted to be it was because I was awake. I was awake because my body knew if I was to reduce those things to do and not end up in on a Saturday I would have to go in early.
I tried to return to sleep but it wasn’t happening. I know it is best to just get up, get ready, and get in. I know because it is a frequent occurrence.
I also know that I am committed. I give of my own time just in case it may be me. But there is a point that after giving there is a moment of self-realisation which says, “It is not you.”
You know on Friday I got more done than I ever thought so much so that I was able to leave feeling I needed to get to ‘my place in the woods’.
On my way home I made the call and booked a space.
I returned late last night hence today I am wondering why I still feel irritated given that I got to the woods?