Is anxiety the shadow of growth?
I was twisting and turning a bit in bed when I awoke this morning. Yes, of course, it is dark outside as it is at this time every year but as you know I often get up in the darkness and I am happy to sit in the chair with my mind towards you and dawning with the sun.
This morning I was reluctant to get up. The waking hour seems to tell us like our dreams what is on our minds. The tension goes back to Friday, just when I think I am all done I discover more is asked.
It is that thinking that wonders, “Will I finish?” And yet the answer comes through another question, “How many times have you thought like this?”
Too many, nearly always, so much so that it is part of the process but couldn’t we just cut out the restlessness? If we know we will get there why the need to have the tension?
The answer could be the same to the questions, “Why does the kettle make so much noise when it is boiling?” “Why can’t the bathroom fan spin without the noise?”
Is this exercising of the mind part of absorbing the challenge in order to get the job done? And if I am still for a while I can detect other anxieties attaching themselves to this one. Like a man who has gone asleep and has awoken to forget who he is, “Who am I?” “What day is it?” “Where am I ?” “Who do I belong to?” “Who belongs to me?”
If for a moment I may not remember. But here too there may be anxiety but here too there is potential. With every, “ How can I?” I add ‘not’, “How can I not?”
While anxiety may be unsettling it is good to ask yourself the questions so that you have honed your answer.
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