Feelings of sorrow
We finished our dialogue group and then had half an hour to share our thoughts on the weekend. We have been looking at the ‘The movement of becoming’.
The acorn becomes an oak; the bank clerk becomes the manager. Are these two ‘becomings’ the same? Or is one organic and natural, the other fraught with human toil and strife? It seems we are unaware of the very real danger of projecting a future out of the present, then living it as if it were real. Psychological time is the vehicle of this promised, hoped-for, ‘better’ state. Never actual but always to-be-realised, it has fathered revolutions and individual dreams. Can we be aware of this movement in ourselves and create space for something else to happen?
I had wonderful conversations with others over lunch. Once finished I remained unsettled. Would I stay for supper at 6 30 pm which would mean driving home late? I had given in my room key and the weekend had ended but I didn't seem to be ready to drive home.
I decided it would be best to go for a walk. Just before we ended our last session someone had said something like ‘a feeling of sorrow’. I commented that perhaps we do not need to go through the feeling we allow the feeling to go through us. Now the phrase seemed to be describing how I was feeling. Could I really be feeling sorrow for leaving this place? It is a beautiful place and somewhere I feel free of whatever may have been bothering me. I was aware that I would be returning to my life back in Hertfordshire and some of the stresses I had been feeling which led me to come here. Perhaps I was fully feeling the feelings that I had left behind distracting myself by this weekend.
But at least maybe I had a way of dealing with them by allowing them to pass through.
As I returned to the house a car stopped and it was one of the participants. They stopped got out and hugged me. A few minutes later another car stopped it was a guest. We wished each other well. Those two incidents reinforced my view that we come away, meet others who are doing the same and somehow in a short time we make a connection.