Every so often I am reminded of my spiritual journey thus far
A phone call from Marty
I seem to use the phone less these days at least to talk. I am reminded I use it a lot for texts, WhatsApp, social media, photographs and videos. Maybe I am more like the phone that I realise, as it has diversified so have I.
We were talking about people’s experiences with God and how deep it goes. I recognise myself in those who have made a decision to become a Christian. It is almost a rite of passage by which I mean they have reached the last quarter of life and want to put their affairs in order including making peace with God.
I made that decision when I was nine years old so not what you may call the last quarter of life. I know many who also made that decision as a child. It seemed like the sensible thing to do. I was aware that I could lie and needed to be forgiven for lying. I heard the story, ‘Jesus died for me so that my lying could be redeemed and I could go to heaven upon my death’. That seemed like a mighty thing to do, to die for me so that I could live forever. I would be ungrateful not to accept such a gift.
Then by my teenage years, lying didn't seem so bad and indeed how was I to know something was wrong unless I tried it? Life eternal was not so foremost in mind, more the pleasure of now.
Just going back to those who make a decision either as a child or later in life, my experience was it was a head decision perhaps even a religious decision. I say ‘religious’ as I adopted the practices that I assumed were what characterised a Christian.
But it is more than a head decision. As I said to you “As a child I invited Jesus into my heart yet years later it was like God invited me into his heart.”
My first experience of the bigness of God was when I was twelve. I was prayed with to receive ‘The Baptism of the Holy Spirit’ and in that experience, my understanding of God went from me containing him to him containing me. Something about that shook out the religious in me (at least some of it).
I still got waylaid as a teenager despite that experience however it never left me.
I was to find ‘my emotional need for God’ in my late teens. This time it was not a head decision but I believe one of the heart. Somehow I felt most authentic when living in a relationship with God. That was kind of what called me back.
I was in the Ulster Hall having been invited by Judith. I listened to the sermon one I still remember and I only remember clearly about three sermons. It was about Samson and how he lost his hair yet his hair grew again. It is such a powerful story when you think all is lost and then you discover there is a second chance! I understood that night that there was a way back for me and I took it.
Now that is 36 years ago and much life has been lived. ‘Much life’ includes joys and sorrows yet it has been lived in relationship with God.
I am not saying I have made all the right decisions but I have lived in relationship with God.
As time has gone on I have been surprised by where I have felt led. In that ‘leading on’ I had another experience that was so life-changing that I remember it vividly.
Words are only an attempt to describe what is felt so I won’t use many other than to say that I felt the love of God for the whole of creation. In that moment all division between me and God dropped and with it, a unity arose with everything.
Sure I had decisions to make along the way but at some point, the decisions stopped as the way took over.
Best,
g
