Enlightenment, then and now
Tuesday 11th March 2025
I awoke this morning with a tense stomach. I caught the last of my dreams; they were related to performing tasks at different stages. Again, the thought entered my head that it is like going onto a battlefield every day. Yet there was another thought, which reminded me of the whisper I heard the other day: “Whatever you have to do, try and enjoy it.”
I am well acquainted with these feelings and thoughts, yet each day I feel them afresh.
Yesterday evening I felt a bit out of sorts. I am not sure why.
I was at the monthly discussion group, yet I wasn't sure whether I wanted to say much. When Gerry asked about a residents’ meeting on Wednesday night to discuss the costs of a new roof, I didn't want to speak about it.
There is hope quietly in the background, the hope that I will get through the hour, the day.
The subject last night was Enlightenment.
I am almost certain that my contribution will always include a reference to Northern Ireland. Last night I said as much, “If you have heard me before, you will know Northern Ireland always comes up.”
Another generously spoke about us all having seminal experiences as children to which we continuously refer.
You see many people speak about enlightenment being a one-off experience that radically changes you, but like most things, there are different ways of being enlightened. I have had an experience that radically changed my perception, but whether it radically changed me is for others to decide. That was an experience that I didn't see coming. I didn't talk about that, I did talk about most of my enlightenment coming through me confronting things.
I was pretty extreme in my beliefs and activism as a teenager in Northern Ireland but they placed me in a position that if they didn't add up, I would see it. I recall politicians being bold in their statements, and then I would watch as they softened their position and compromised. I was learning that this was politics, but I also was learning that I would not allow myself to be a pawn.
It was 12th July 1986 when I saw it. After years of opposing a government decree, it was suddenly accepted. I was left wondering what was the point in all the upheaval that had gone before if we were just accepting it now. The anger I felt was enough to lead me to question what I believed, and in time it was to open me up to a new way of seeing. That was enlightening.
Perhaps I need to be enlightened right now as to why I do what I do if it causes so much worry.
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