Does a swan time themselves when taking a wash?
Take Two minutes of stillness in your day
I do seem to be drinking more coffee since ‘this thing’ started. WFH is the most difficult part of our current way of living. A computer fails to connect and I feel ‘a nervousness within’ whereas if at the ‘Dolly Parton’ I shout out to those around me and hear back that someone else has the problem.
Why is it that my posture feels more strained when ‘winning the bread’ from the same kitchen table that I ‘work’ on this. I think I know why. I was aware that my stomach felt tighter than usual and then I became aware that it is because I was in the mode of ‘winning the bread’. I remembered I would have this ‘nervousness’ feeling as a schoolboy before I would run a competitive race.
My body is on alert for a phone to ring, an email to come that may demand something from me and my mind always like to think it will be something that demands a lot from me and adds to the many things I am already trying to do.
I don’t like to have demands put on me. Yes I know it is life but whatever my history my psyche reacts against it. I was pondering this as I walked down by the river and a few incidents came to mind like the time an old Uni friend broke down on the M25 without much of a recovery package and I was the nearest person to him. I can’t explain to you why but that threw me into a spin. I felt somehow I was responsible for solving his problem, getting his car to a nearby garage and him to a local hotel. It wasn’t easy to just let him have the sofa for reasons I will not detail. And I remembered another time when someone assumed I would deal with a problem they had. I didn’t like that either my brain was telling me, “I have enough to do never mind someone assuming I can get involved in this.”
It is in writing that I begin to see what may be going on and you may have seen it too, I clearly don’t like people making assumptions as I am not very good at expressing back to them that I don’t have the capacity to help or I don’t want the extra pressure as I am feeling pressured already.
In truth, this happens in my personal life I have enough on and then something else requires attention like the door lock breaks. I resent the presenting problem but ‘if needs must I must do it’. In these impersonal situations, I fight within myself. In the interpersonal, I may resent the other and show it.
That is why I seek out nature for it demands little. It does its own thing I don’t need to do anything other than treat it with gratitude.
Stilling myself with nature, within nature, helps reveal my core which is ever-present and ever still.
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