Do you know that feeling when you see you have a flat tyre?
Tee returns in the early hours of the morning from her trip to some Greek Island. I got the return pick up which she tells me is at 1 00 am.
I use the car maybe once a week so I thought on my return home I would walk by it and check all was well. She had left it parked outside a resident’s home. I am never keen on that as I know how sensitive people are to territory even if a public road. I jumped in to move it a more neutral place. A message came up, “Check your pressure” . I noticed it and dismissed it. In moving it I thought, “Did something seem a bit flat?” I parked up and got out and sure enough one tyre was depleted of air.
It is around 18 30 hours and I am not good with such things vying for my attention at the best of times. I was thinking two things,
- I am glad I followed my hunch and I am glad I moved it otherwise I wouldn't have known what I do now.
- I have the book group by zoom in an hour I don’t really want it disrupted over this.
That sums up my psychology to problems, I don’t want to believe that they are going to disrupt me. By their nature, of course, they are but by my nature, “O no they are not.” I walked the remainder home and for 30 minutes tussled with whether I should phone the recovery service now or wait until the morning.
I was also paying attention to the trauma question, ‘Where is this sending you? to the past or the present?’ You may be thinking ‘trauma?’ I am too but what I have discovered through Gabor Mate is to recognise the feelings that things prompt in us. For whatever reason (we don’t have time to analyse now) flat tyres, things not working (usually mechanical in origin) press some internal button. So by recognising it I can then decide what do I do with it. I can’t cut off the emotions that are doing their thing like a wash cycle that is on it is best to let it finish rather than attempt to interrupt. However, in parallel, I can influence my thinking so it went something like this,
“ That tyre could have been flat for a few days and you knew nothing about it what is leaving it until the morning going to change?”
Of course, the answer is “Nothing”. But the emotions are making noise and trying to influence by saying, “ Yes but you should get onto it right away.”
I hear you emotions but as said what is going to change in 12 hours. Actually, it will be lighter and hopefully easier for the person sent to do the job. Besides the tyre shop won’t be open to 8 30 am.
Time is moving on and the book group by zoom is approaching. I have put the pizza in the oven because I am carrying on as normal and now the timer is buzzing. I eat half of it as I try to appraise myself of my notes. 19 30 hours come I am zooming so the emotions will have to subside, they do.
Everybody (mind, emotions and me) is accepting that we are waiting until the morning.
Of course, emotions are first up just before 6 00 am to remind the rest of us that we have this problem to sort. I tell her (when did my emotions become she?) that …….. Just received the phone call from the recovery guy he is outside and waiting (so much for the message that he would phone me 10 minutes beforehand).
Why do I always fear the person they send is going to be Norman Bates? It never is but maybe my own Norman Bates surfaces. He is fine ‘not a problem’. The last time this happened I was feeling conscious that I should be able to sort this as ‘a man’. I watched ‘My Penis and me’ the other night and it felt quite liberating. It interviewed a wide sphere of men and in so doing the diversity of the word was evident. I am me and I need not conform to the stereotypes of ‘man’.
I drove to the tyre shop and they sorted the tyre. Ok obviously this car wants my attention let’s get it cleaned inside and out it has been a while. So right now I jumped over the fence to the adjacent hotel and I am having a coffee while I wait for the valet to be complete.
How come Tee who drives this car much more than I will have all these matters attended too while she was relaxing by a pool in some Greek island? She will have her stories and I will have mine when I pick up in the morning.
Best day,
g
