Divorced yet able to cherish
It hit 33 degrees here yesterday (Hertfordshire, England). I am normally in St Albans until early afternoon. Yesterday I dropped off my book at the Cathedral library and fled home to take cover from the heat.
It reminded me of the days I had Covid when I didn’t do much other than move between the couch and bed. My energy gets zapped in the heat.
This morning before 9 am I was out with the Hoover (US: Vacuum Cleaner) as it was too hot to do anything yesterday other than the laundry.
On such days I have all these ideas about the books I will read, and the writing I will do yet sleep is victorious over all.
As I sat on the floor cooling from the heat T’ and her mum arrived. Normally I would be out but I was in. I am always civil to the former wife but rarely do we find ourselves in the same space for an hour or more.
It will soon be six years since we separated and over 4 since our partnership was dissolved. Time has moved things on, she often offers me surplus food she has cooked which I always gratefully receive.
As we sat we were at ease or at least that is how it seemed to me. She was occupied with whatever as I was preoccupied with the heat. T’ was getting herself ready to go somewhere with her mum. It was when we were just chit-chatting and even remembering past times that I realised that there was peace between us.
I was prompted to write this after writing a card this morning for a person who attends our Meeting. He is to be married soon. I wrote a paragraph from a Quaker text,
Marriage has always been regarded by Friends as a religious commitment rather than a merely civil contract. Both partners should offer with God’s help an intention to cherish one another for life. Remember that happiness depends on an understanding and steadfast love on both sides. In times of difficulty remind yourself of the value of prayer, of perseverance and of a sense of humour.
As I wrote I was checking whether it was appropriate. Previously I had been bothered by the phrase ‘for life’. It isn't an easy read as a divorcee. Then I noticed what I hadn’t previously, the words, ‘an intention’. Yes, I had intended that marriage would be for life so maybe it was not so hard to read after all so I wrote on.
And perhaps even divorced I can still cherish.