Tuesday 25th August 2020: 09 10 hours
I will return home and I will begin. I am aware that I have feelings inside, apprehension but I know that I will work with them and I will return here. I will tell myself that I did, what I have learned and it saw me through the day.
Wednesday 26th August 2020: 06 48 hours
What is the ‘Witching hour’? It is a phrase that entered my head during my first hour awake. I can feel sometimes quite disorientated during my first waking hour. The whole day ahead can feel like a burden in that hour particularly if there is a lot to do or specific events occurring in the day. My emotions appear to be at the fore with feelings heightened. Feelings based on an apprehension. Is it something to do with waking from the dream state to the waking state like a twilight zone.
I looked up ‘witching hour’ and found that it is 3 00 am in the morning when supernatural activity is considered to be at its highest. I don’t know about that but it did chime with my experience in that anxiety, apprehension, irrational fears are at their highest in my ‘witching hour’.
I tend to move with it and after an hour the intensity lessens as it continues to do usually throughout the day.
17 57 hours
I have returned here just as the words said, “I will tell myself that I did, what I have learned and it saw me through the day.”
And sure enough, I tell myself that I did what I have learned (if you read what I write often enough you will know)
- Be in the moment
- Do one thing, finish it, repeat
- Know that the magic works with me
Thursday 27th August 2020: 07 36 hours
This last year I have become more sensitive to the seasons, the weather when the sun rises and sets. Summer reminds me of the guest who enjoys being with you but reaches for their coat just as you settling in. There are 3 and a bit weeks left before Autumn begins yet when I rise before 6 it is now dark. In the evenings when I usually take a walk by the lake it is dark by 20 15 hours. It is as if nature like a parent is getting us ready, quietly without knowing for the next season.
I take time to adjust to the changing times of the sun. I have gotten used to the light evenings and feel the shutters have come down too early. I am not so quick out of bed when the sun has not risen and I can sit longer in the darkness than I do in the light. Yet I also know the beauty of ‘the goodbye’ as the leaves change to their glory before falling to the earth.
Sunday 30th August 2020
I switched the heating on this morning. I wore a scarf yesterday. It feels as if we are in September and yet August is not quite over. Just over two weeks ago we were in a heatwave.
On Tuesday I phoned my doctor. I wait ‘a time’ before I do, believing whatever ails me will get better. My right leg had been sore since last week. During the summer school, the pain went. Prior to it, I had been limping for a week or more. I described to her the symptoms over the phone. She asked me had I done anything that may explain it. I said no other than I am have been spending large amounts of time on the computer at home since lockdown whereas before it was only leisure use at home.
“Are you seating with your knees at 90 degrees, with your wrists at 90 degrees and your eyes looking straight unto the screen?”
As she said it I was readjusting my position. I was also thinking, “ I know this why wasn’t I doing it?”
Since then my leg has improved, “Thank you Doc.”
Makes me think that changing a routine or a location can cause me to forget the basics. Why would that be? I suppose I was distracted by the lockdown and the massive change to the weekday. I was doing stuff that I normally associate with one place in my personal space. Internally, mentally and emotionally it felt that I was being rewired. In response to the sudden change, the mind was trying to rework itself. It was like trying to take to reconfigure a wall with the top bricks becoming the bottom and the bottom ones becoming the top, one out, two out, one in, two in and so on until the wall was rebuilt from top to bottom. In the process, the basics seemed to get missed and it took another to remind me.