Day by day
Reflecting on the past week
Sunday 13th June 2021
“The greater fear is the loss of the past not of the future.” This is what I remember from the friend who spoke at ‘Meeting’. They had been reading a book on death and the writer proposed that the fear of death is more about the fear of the loss of the past. Did someone continue it by suggesting that we fear being forgotten or perhaps that we forget?
Memory serves a purpose but it shouldn't become a place in which we live. Curiously as I was driving to Meeting, I wondered how I would feel if I was prodded to move on from the place I now reside? Instantly that part of me that always says no raised its voice. Yet as I remembered my first days in Galway or here in St Albans, I had a sense of being in the right place. I had not visited either place before I arrived and yet once there it felt right. So what stops me from thinking another such move would also be right?
Once again I was reminded that I want to cage that which started spontaneously. I am sure the spontaneous wants to keep giving yet we obstruct it if we hold too tightly to its last gift.
Monday 14th June 2021
Our group are contemplating Psalm 139 in the two weeks between our next meet. I couldn’t help but notice the first and last verses
“O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.”
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Silence, meditation, self-enquiry all activities of recent weeks is in effect an internal search. Going to all the dark corners of our souls and exposing them to the light.
Is it better to know them or to leave them in the dark? Something tells me they should be exposed to the light.
Tuesday 15th June 2021
I have noticed two weeks on from being in silence that I rarely put the radio on. Radio 3 provided me with classical music that I could escape into now I try to be and escape into nothing. I may be quiet but there are plenty of sounds. The birds have replaced the radio music as I listen to their singing in the morning and at dusk. Just being with the silence seems to encourage a being with the moment.
Wednesday 16th June 2021
I noticed that a flicker of annoyance ran through me when the contactless machine didn't work at Sainsbury’s. “They are not working” called over the assistant. “So why don't they put up a sign?” said I. “I have told them” he replied. I left it.
Then there was the person who decided to walk on the road as I was exiting seemingly giving no regard to the traffic behind them. Did I almost beep? I didn’t. I am becoming more aware when I am stepping out of consciousness into ego? Maybe, but then later when I read an email I hardly paused and fired one back. That got through straight to my ego. Not so easy to be forever aware.
I spent an hour on zoom with those of us who make up the Global Meeting for Worship. Wow, I was reminded of the words of William Penn,
“Silence is to the soul what sleep is to the body.”
Like a beautiful sleep, it was a beautiful silence. How much do we need to just stop, wait and allow Silence to do its work in us?
Thursday 17th June 2021
I have been surrounded by new technology recently. I am not one for passwords and user names, my memory wasn’t designed for such things. It seems the technological advances are increasing in speed and with it an expectation that we all will advance to it. Well, I struggle with it. That said I have been very grateful for those who gave me the time to get me set up or reset.
I may not be so great at setting up technology but I can encourage people and thank them for their efforts. I believe it is so important to let people know that I appreciate them whether small or big.
Friday 18th June 2021
I noticed that I am in quite an excited mood and I am not sure why? Was it that I managed with the help of another to get connected to that printer? I need to watch it as in such a state I can push when it is better not.
My father (the earthly one) celebrated his 80th birthday yesterday. I was speaking with and as he does he begins to reminisce about sayings of his father. I have heard him say this one ‘manys a time’ but I thought I would note it down and share it. Here it is,
If you can’t help don’t hinder
If you can’t give don’t take
If you can’t love don’t hate
Saturday 19th June 2021
Thinking about the ‘excited feeling’ I also managed to engage a surveyor and solicitor this week so maybe that also contributed to it.
I am experiencing a lot of, is it called upskilling? It all relates to technology and people who think it all makes everything so much easier. What isn’t easy is remembering user names and passwords for an ever-growing list of applications. Most people seem to keep a list of them at the back of their diary.
Tee and I went into Crepe Affaire today as Father’s day treat ( I prefer to miss the queues on the day itself). Our first choice ‘The Waffle House’ had quite a queue so we skipped it. Have you noticed that we are all out there trying to live our lives again! Anyway, Crepe Affaire wanted everything done on an App. I thought this was a bit of overkill and curiously so did Tee. Anyway, they did it for us. I was just commenting that I suspected people of my age would be put off having to do everything on an app when I heard protests coming from behind. A couple couldn't be bothered with creating an account just to order and wanted to be served. An adjoining couple joined them in their protest. I couldn't help but smile that I was not alone with the technology overkill.
As I say it is Father’s day here in the UK tomorrow so if you are celebrating, “Best Fathers’ Day”.
g (the photos are from my recent stay at the Krishnamurti centre)