17-year-old self puts in an appearance amidst trains, people, gin and tonic
Snapshots of the day
So we are in the car talking about personal statements for university. I discover that Cee is getting a former tutor to look over it.
I am wondering why this is? It hits on my 17-year-old self, is he a rival, is he comparing his experience with that of another 17-year-old?
I hear myself say, “That’s a luxury. Why can’t your form tutor do it or a teacher?”
Cee explained the value placed on these statements. Still inwardly there is my 17-year-old self feeling, “Well I had to just make do, I didn’t have extra money or parents to pay for it.”
Cee says when I do this it doesn’t help, probably true though I hadn’t realised how much my 17-year-old self still lives.
I am loving the train. I haven’t quite worked out what it is? Cee drops me off and off I go first to queue for a coffee and then for the cheap day return to Luton. I think it is having permission to wait. I have to wait until 9 00 am to get the cheap ticket which allows me 30 minutes to mooch usually with my phone or laptop. The mornings are clear and not too cold. A familiarity has set in, the lad at the kiosk knows I don’t want chocolate on my cappuccino and seems vaguely disappointed when I say tea instead of cappuccino. I am the cappuccino man.
The guards know that the ticket never works in the morning so they let me through. Like the pillars, there are regular commuters who sit like me in their spots awaiting the arrival of the train.
When I drive I am concentrating when I am waiting I am free.
So many people so many things to do. Some trying to pressurise others trying to survive. In the middle of it all a coffee for the last time with a bird who is about to fly and then as a goodbye he passes me a bag with a bottle of Gordon’s. I am touched by his thought or that of his mother’s though touched all the same.
And then it is back to the train and permission to wait. Those 15 minutes are just beautiful as I press my face against the headrest feeling cosy and comfortable.
Doors open world begins again.
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